And then I said...

I have the brothers work # (Justin) and I have the option to call him at any given time thanks to a call center from India calling about collections and, luckily wasn't the smartest employee and gave my dad all of Justins current information.

I haven't spoken to him in about 5-6 years, haven't seen him in 12-13 years.

My parents are relying on me to make the call since the initial friction was between the three of them. Can we say stressful?

I called him 2 mondays ago and got the voicemail, hung up and beelined for the restroom with instant upset stomach. My back is a solid rock and I have gotten approx. 15 hours of sleep in the last 4 nights.

Any advice?

One of the cleanest artists I know of...

Fast Forgiveness

Joker

Knight Shift

http://ohthatvixen.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-know-youll-love-your-new-job-when.html

Props to my friend Sun. LOL

http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/12/15/breaking-down-the-new-x-men-origins-wolverine-trailer/

Woot!

I'm such a nerd. Ya'll love it.

To start blogging about myself more often. More honest. More free. Not caring about how poignant it may become, or lengthy. I need to pull from somewhere organic. Like it's a conversation and not worry so damn much about it being a novel good enough to publish or even get comments. I've paid too much attention to what people might think of me, and I need to direct that inward.

So in doing this... I'm starting over in a sense.

Hello, I'm Genesee. I'm 29 and sort of freaked out about that. I've never been one to keep tabs on age before, and now that 30 is looming over me like a huge humming zeppelin I'm forced to look at it all. All of my life. In doing that I've noticed a few things about myself.

I hate complainers. Can't stand people who whine incessantly about things not going their way. Look, you aren't in Ethiopia scooping sand into your mouth so you can past another day while your 7 year old brother raises the family that's left. Count your blessings and stop wasting your glorious life.

I love people with passion, life, a flame that beams through everything they do whether it's a conversation or a simple daily task. People that enjoy what they have here and now and make the best of it. The ones who inspire us to be more, do more, work toward more... the urban muses.

I'm a drama free art nerd who loves to dork out with baby voices and laugh so hard I can't sit up straight. I love the deep warmth that comes from heart to hearts too, where one sentence can be said between friends and you lose a couple tears. Moments that stick with you and shape who you are from that point forward.

It's hard to cover every base in one journal entry... it's pretty much impossible. I have to say in letting myself just "go" with every flow and thought this time around... it's going to happen again. I'm getting it. This whole 'blogging' thing. hahaha

Can't stop listening to these 3 brothers and their cousin...



Amazing voice and soul for such a young guy:





Just incredible band.

Hi peoples... how is everyone doing? It's been a buhjillion guhmillion er so years since I posted last. Um, what's new... still working in the classy porn industry, mhm, it's fantastic, not really, but whatever, it's laid back so that's nice. Making decent money actually, just took a new position in- you get one guess- chatsworth the porn capitol, for almost 3 bucks more an hour, so I'm happy about that.
Life at home is good. Love life is goin' strong, even stronger than before somehow... either way I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
I'm somewhat freaking out that I'll be 30 in may. Trying not to think about that too much right now.
Not really knowing what else to say, I always feel like in blogging I have to write something either extremely profound or painfully long, neither will apply here. ;)
ha!

Take it easy ya'll.

Our cats are getting shaved today... lion stylie. I can't wait to go home and see how pissed they look, it's gonna be amazing. Sometimes we have to resort to this type of comedy when everything else is in the pooper. So, An Animal Affair, I thank you for what precious moments this will bring to me and my roommates in the future days to come. We need the laughs.



Word.

How do I improve my credit when I can't even get approved for a damn 'bad credit?' credit card or open up a bank account... I even tried a gas card and nothing. I'm willing to pay the 'bad credit' fees that they sneak in there, whatever- I just want to rescue myself from the loserdum I've put myself in. Anyone have any advice? Help.

I'm soooo frustrated. I fucked up, I get it... now how do I fix it.

My ex from about 8 years ago passed away on the 20th.



He was 34 years old. He had an addiction partnered with diabetes and liver damage and hit a rough spot in life with losing a girlfriend who kept him sober and binged away for days and his body couldn't take it.

I haven't talked to him in years but it's just so strange, that at one time... I was as close with him as you could be with anyone. I was good at loving him. I can feel a difference in the world knowing he's gone. I don't feel like myself at times.

Apart of me feels like I fucked it up. By introducing drugs to him when he was clean, thus throwing him into something that would always have a hold on him. I know I didn't put a lot of thought into the things I did when I was younger... and especially that day. In his bedroom when his eyes caught what I was pulling out of my purse and it was a look I'll never forget. What I'd do to erase that entire moment out of the books. What I'd give, knowing it could have saved him.

I know, I know I shouldn't think this way... but it aches and I can't help it. I can't help but make some type of equation, especially knowing he died from an overdose and alcohol.

I was such a stupid kid.

I just miss him.

Rest in Peace Kent.

Notice the altered reflection... compliments of my friend Ronnie who did the painting as well.



And here is the portrait... almost done. I cropped my breasteses- but yeah- pretty neato mang. :)

Her birthday is in 6 days. I can't believe it's almost been 2 years since she passed. I can still feel the tears well up if I let myself drown in the thought of her for a few minutes. It hasn't stopped hurting, and I retort to a sad little girl when it consumes my mind.
Everything I didn't say. Things I realize now that I didn't see then.

Like how she said "This used to be my playground" by Madonna was our song when we were kids and lived across the street from each other. I just thought it was because we would go play in this little rusted apocalyptic playground down the street- which had so many memories of us pretending as little girls do and writing our names in the dirt. Now that I've listened to the lyrics, and know about the abuse in her family- I get it now. She was beyond her years and even at 7 and 8- she was sending me a message. "This used to be my playground, this used to be my childhood dream, this used to be the place I ran to, whenever I was in need of a friend" It was her escape from her abusive and dysfunctional family.

I see it now. I want to hug her for that and not let go. Even then I was too young to see it, the importance of friendship, and how close we had become and would be, and how tight she held onto that. I want to give that back.

I really just miss the hell out of her and know that was a precious time in my life. It always hits me like a freight train. Jamie, I miss you so much.

---------------------------------------------------------
FYI:
A two part poem for two people going through a lot lately
---------------------------------------------------------

Home life cracks and sidewalks cry
Frowning house and squinted sky
Slouch and sigh 3 figures stew
Surreal fog is dense and new

No words to speak- words step back and watch on nights like these
Heads yank downward- stuck in silence under drooping trees

A change is here to shift the dirt
A person packs his world of hurt
__________________________________________

He made her forget her lonely pain
Lovers rushed on a runaway train
A flame came back within her eyes
A stance of someone on the rise

A deviant Sunday broke her back and drenched her face
I heard her voice shake the earth and throughout space

A change is here to scorch a heart
A woman sinks and falls apart

I'm a redhead again.
Pictures will follow soon...

Also I have piano class tonight and I'm kinda nervous because I haven't practiced one iota and spring break was last week, so I haven't done a thing in 2 weeks. Go me. Overachiever 5000.

Matt and my one year anniversary is in the beginning of May and we're trying to find a nice hotel in Santa Barbara that doesn't cost a buhjillion thousand dollars. We just wanna get freaky on nice sheets- and get drunk- it shouldn't cost us like Six Hundred flippin bucks to do so. Rawr.

Also the summer is upon us and I'm gonna plan a fantabulous bar-b-que. Sometime soon. Where everyone and their grandmas are invited and everyone can stay the night if they need to. I'll post dates soon.

Jamie's b-day is coming up and I plan on doing something... something good. Something good with her close friends. Trying not to really think about it yet.

Well... that's about it. That's all I got.

Have a safe, fun, memorable evening.

In your life, in work, in your relationships with people?
I've noticed lately that I just am not interested in making new friends. New people come into my house, talk in my ear and I can barely follow them yet care less what they have to say... is something changing inside me? Am I growing up or growing bitter? I don't get it. I think I have stresses and thoughts that I keep inside most of the time and now it's starting to sweat out. I hear SO MANY people complaining lately- and that's something I've been biting my lip over and it just makes me crazy.
I'm so used to being a nice person.. so used to picking my battles and not letting much of anything get to me... but it's starting to.
I'm so used to being slightly stoic in life, helping the emotional along the way... does this mean I'm void of emotion?
I guess I'm in one of those 'what does it all mean' phases and I have no answers.
Sleep, get up, go to work, eat, go home, eat, sleep... this is life?
I barely do a damn thing on the weekends and I feel like I'm screaming inside over a beer at 9pm on a thursday.
I sit and watch the clock do a million whirlwinds in a week and all I know is the update on fucking britney and how I gained four pounds drinking beers.
I want more.
I just have no motivation, and that's a shitty feeling.

Found the guy on myspace of all places...
I had searched for him constantly on that thing knowing nothing else worked... not even that 1-800-usa-find piece of shit scam... 40 bucks for everyone ELSE with the same name as my brother, not including HIM.
So yeah, yesterday I'm half working, and decide to give it the old college try, the old shotski... and as I'm scrolling down the 1st page... I gasp, it's his picture- it's totally him... a few months ago I tried and several before that, and nothing. There he was, looking right back at me, my 36 (jesus) year old brother. It was almost like looking at a stranger you somewhat recognize. I can't explain it.
Anyway... I sent him a message/friend request combo and bit my lip all to hell while doing it, his page was private, so that's the only choice I had.

Here's to hoping guys that I didn't freak him out and that he doesn't cancel his account. I do wonder... if he had signed on to find me- why didn't he message me first? Or is it all too far gone for him to know where to start?

I'm just glad he's alive- because for the last 1/2 of my life, I wasn't sure...

[13:47] genofthesee: The 08 Simi Valley Days is at Rancho Park
[13:47] genofthesee: Great. Now we can add cotton candy and ride tickets and lemon squishees to the shit pond.
[13:48] Becky: are you serious?
[13:48] Becky: WTF would they have it THERE for?
[13:49] Becky: good fuck
[13:49] genofthesee: who knows dude
[13:50] genofthesee: lol
[13:50] genofthesee: gay
[13:51] genofthesee: http://www.simivalleydays.com/
[13:52] Becky: im posting on LJ
[13:52] Becky: NICE MUSIC BRO!
[13:52] Becky: it makes me sad cause its a rip off of main st electrical parade
[13:53] Becky: WristbandDay9/10/07 $

Wristband Day 9/11/07 $

Wristband Day 9/12/07 $

Wristband Day 9/15/07 $

Wristband Day 9/16/07

[13:53] Becky: I like how the dates are last years. freakin morons
[13:54] genofthesee: yeah- they're pretty lamesauce tarded
[13:54] Becky: we should be in the cowchip bingo contest
[13:55] genofthesee: FUCKIN A
[13:55] Becky: dopetastic
[13:56] Becky: hopefully im not living anywhere near there by then
[13:59] genofthesee: LOL
[13:59] genofthesee: Yeah- it'll be the same at my parents house...80 gajillion people parking in the neighborhoods. I should warn them to fly far far away around then
[13:59] genofthesee: there's like NO freaking parking...
[13:59] genofthesee: that's gonna be super gay
[14:01] Becky: well when we took the kids last year, there was almost no one there
[14:01] Becky: AND A FREAKIN COW GOT LOOSE FROM THE PETTING ZOO!
[14:04] genofthesee: um
[14:04] genofthesee: what?
[14:05] Becky: last year, we went to the carnival
[14:05] Becky: that was a glorious day let me tell you,
[14:05] Becky: so many of the rides looked like they were in use when you and i were taylor or hannahs age
[14:05] Becky: you know the swings that go in a circle?
[14:05] genofthesee: yeah
[14:06] Becky: they had those, but a little version
[14:06] Becky: with cracked and peeling fluorescent colored swings
[14:06] Becky: remember those little cars you could sit in that went around in a circle?
[14:06] Becky: they were like blue with sparkles?
[14:07] genofthesee: yeah simi valley days has always been a kiddy park from the 40's with a horrific western band playing drunk and teenagers go there to be high and hang out... it's always been a top notch gathering
[14:07] Becky: and looked like dune buggies?
[14:07] Becky: or there were motorcycles?
[14:07] Becky: they had those
[14:07] genofthesee: yeah wasn't it called sizzler or soemthing
[14:07] Becky: NO!
[14:07] genofthesee: oh
[14:07] genofthesee: jesus
[14:07] genofthesee: sorry
[14:07] genofthesee: lol
[14:07] Becky: these were little little kiddie rides
[14:07] genofthesee: my bad
[14:07] genofthesee: yes
[14:07] genofthesee: i getcha
[14:07] Becky: i was like "WTF MATE?! I went on those when I was 5"
[14:07] Becky: and i might have sat in that VERY car
[14:08] Becky: gawd dude. some of the rides i was like "no, we might die"
[14:08] Becky: and a cow got loose from the petting zoo
[14:08] Becky: and was running around in the carnival and then got out into the parking lot
[14:08] Becky: only in simi valley
[14:08] genofthesee: yeah it's like they store them in some underground vault off easy st cuz simi allows it back every year- every other town would be like "um, no- return those and get better ones- you guys are mental"
[14:08] Becky: at like 2pm on a sunday
[14:08] genofthesee: wow
[14:09] genofthesee: overachiev... HOW DO YOU LOSE A COW?!?!?
[14:09] Becky: I looked at my mom and was like "WTF DUDE. How in the WORLD does this happen?"
[14:11] genofthesee: what a fantastic experience... not only do you have drunk musicians, rusted rides from 1491, and stuffed animals from the 50 cent store... you get to dodge a charging cow!!!! :D
[14:11] genofthesee: lets go man!
[14:11] Becky: fun for the whole family!
[14:11] Becky: one thing that was a total plus
[14:11] Becky: we got sno cones
[14:12] Becky: and they had free refills
[14:12] genofthesee: I just leaned on the beer cart and stayed there
[14:12] Becky: https://store.theonion.com/i-enjoy-drinking-beer-p-144.html
[14:12] Becky: im buying you this
[14:12] genofthesee: omg I love you
[14:13] Becky: LOL

Lighting and Thunder outside and I've never felt so warm and safe...
His eyes..
Like dried leaves on a hanging rose- piercing the heat of my body like a tidal wave of angels smiling and caressing my spirit.
Dancing about like children so trusting, spontaneous and pure.
... Pure...
He has everything I need in one look. It makes me work harder, smile bigger, glow brighter and be this woman, inspired... and blessed.
He's my muse. I want to draw a symphony of color. Spiraled blasts of glorious blue mornings, red meeting lips, and yellow hearty laughter that vibrates rippling waves from our conversations.
I've never loved so deeply. So madly.
I've found my match. I've found my souls' counterpart.
It's that simple. It was worth the dust, and nightmares, and tears. It'd be worth any future undertaking. I've become a soldier who fights for the one thing I need.
The one thing we all look for.
Unconditional love.
A love that the world lays down and stays still for.
A love that makes angels wish they were human.
A love that makes dreams come true and makes one particular girl who once felt so empty and void of every happiness turn a shoulder, walk taller, and beam with a glow that only Venus herself could have blessed us with.

Sorry 55 years had to go by before I freakin had anything to say but weeee!!!! Here I is.
Life is rad.
I have a new job, live in a house with my wonderful boyfriend Matthew, his brother Harold and his lady- my good good friend Krystle. I just officially got the house key today and it's sooo nice there. Everythings new and sparkly and it's rad to have this opportunity.
We're all so happy living together and growing together.
It's weird the epiphany I've come to realize recently.
I have no money (well, enough to get by) I have no car (it's still a rubble of metal from the accident) and I'm struggling in almost every avenue except my love life, which is flourishing and it's all I need to be happy. ~Cheesy statement continues~ I've never been so in love in my entire life and we have awesome plans for our future... the one coming up soon is his friends wedding in SC... all four of us are flying out there and getting away! It'll officially be the farthest I've ever been from home.
I'm so retardedly (<-- is that a word?) happy you guys, you guys I'm stupid happy. :)
Yaaaay. It's retarded. k I'll stop.