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May. 13th, 2016

smoke ribbon

...after my husband had 4 siezures...

There was another breakout,
a mind had lost its grip again.

The eyes gave to a long stare,
scared glare
& unaware
he didn't know my face at all.

The body cringes tightly,
& mightily
hard and strong he stays so gripped.

Then slowly as the wild
becomes a child
he eases in and back to me.

Feb. 5th, 2014


It's a beautiful day..

Well hello there! Seems I've been doing the "life" thing and forgot about LJ for a bit there. Need to dust off this guy and grab my favorite pen. Lets see...
Aside from being married and working what else has happened?
I graduated from Cal Art in September, still occasionally hitting a free draw class here and there. I walked away with so much more knowledge of anatomy. The possibilities are endless and I can barely seem to keep one thought in my head when it comes to create. System overload. I need to harness it all and focus so I'm not overwhelmed by what I actually CAN accomplish now. :)
A piece of sad news, our sweet kitty Nala passed away in October. We had her for 19 years. Full and good life. I'm still a bit perplexed and affected by it all. It was the first time I've ever been present to witness something pass on. That last meow, that was more of a death rattle, will stay in my bones forever. It's kept me awake and aware of mortality. How fragile it all is. I just know she's now the queen of the animal kingdom and we will see her again, someday. *sniff
2014 Brings on new vacations, loving my job at Kish Rigging, eating better and cooking more. Creating more. Channeling my neurons and heart to be easily inspired... and stuff and things like that. hahaha
I'll update you from time to time. :)

Jul. 20th, 2011


I'm afraid

I'm afraid to have kids because of watching what one has done to my Mother.

I don't want to let them down.

Even more so...

...I don't want to watch them get swept away by a horrific influence and somehow see me in some false light.

I've seen it done.
I've watched it happen.

She drinks now in place of that sorrow, to be numb, to not be reminded, to not pulse along every second with that chunk of her artery that screams that she created this and willingly so.

It's scary.

I don't want to fail while I still would love to give life in my own image.

But I am so afraid. For a very valid and very reminded reason.

Mar. 25th, 2011



I'm always reaching out to nothing.

It's over because it stopped hurting.

I've forgotten what was there, to miss.

Mar. 8th, 2011

jigga wha?


So basically today I had a fantastic realization.

My boss, Mary Ellen, the accounting gal is chatting up with me about office supplies and what needs to be ordered and she just casually belches out a "Oh it doesn't matter, I won't be here."
To which I respond, "Um, what's happening?"
"Oh I resigned yesterday, my last day is the 18th."
Way to communicate! I LOVE having to ask to find out if my entire landscape at my job might change.

Hold onto your seat folks, this marks the THIRD fat accounting ass to leave the hot seat since I've started. And we'll ring in that fantastic number FOUR boss in no time. o_0
Can you say adaptable? Why yes, I am. That word is getting punched in death black ink onto my resume.
It's just frustrating that I have to constantly settle in to a new personality, and their way of doing things the moment I got used to the previous ones character. I've been here for a year and a half and by now, comrades, I have my own damn way of doing things.
Work can be dumb, and bitching made me feel better.

At least things at home are stellar. Items have been removed from mine and the husbands credit reports. Score is inching up, as are the spirits. Our bank account is adding up and that's pretty empowering to watch. Planning amazing trips and vacations over the spring/summer. Also, later this year, we're buying a house! Life, actually, is great. :)

Feb. 7th, 2011

south park

Some recent sketches...

In Process- and a abundant amount of thanks to my husband for help on this one...

In Process


I've been so inspired with my new life and being surrounded by wonderful supportive people. I plan on submitting quite a few pieces to the V.C. Fair this year and also trying for some small-time galleries in Moorpark. I'll post more later!

Feb. 2nd, 2011

candid shot

Absolutely overjoyed

My life is incredible. I am with thee most superb, caring, wonderful people known to man.
The Paine family is strong and hilarious and I love every one of them.

Matthew, he is THEE most honest and caring man I've ever met in my entire life. He supports me in anything I want to do. He willingly brings me up and out of funks. He makes me laugh. He shows me he loves me in a million different ways everyday. He listens to me, like really listens. He is the male version of me and I couldn't ask for more. I'm so glad I found him.

My family, just amazing loving wonderful people who crack me up and keep me alert. They covered our wedding then got us a Mac Book Pro!! What? They didn't have to get us anything after the gorgeous wedding... but they did. Just amazing people.

Becky, she's completely had my back for years now and her compassion and loyalty has kept us growing together as women without skipping a beat. We've had our ups and downs... but remaining true friends through it all only made our bond stronger and I wouldn't change a thing. Our communication has become exceptional, no guessing games, no skirting the issue... we really talk and accept each others emotions. She is my sister.

Life has, and continues to be at an all time high. I've never felt so strong before. I've never felt this supported and loved. I have all I need right here.

Jan. 15th, 2009

jigga wha?

so it's that time again

I have the brothers work # (Justin) and I have the option to call him at any given time thanks to a call center from India calling about collections and, luckily wasn't the smartest employee and gave my dad all of Justins current information.

I haven't spoken to him in about 5-6 years, haven't seen him in 12-13 years.

My parents are relying on me to make the call since the initial friction was between the three of them. Can we say stressful?

I called him 2 mondays ago and got the voicemail, hung up and beelined for the restroom with instant upset stomach. My back is a solid rock and I have gotten approx. 15 hours of sleep in the last 4 nights.

Any advice?

Jan. 12th, 2009


Anry Nemo

One of the cleanest artists I know of...

Fast Forgivenessfast forgiveness


Knight Shiftknight shift

Jan. 8th, 2009

south park



Props to my friend Sun. LOL

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